remembering

as i'm sitting in the workroom at school, i'm wondering what makes me committed to things. committed to this very hard job and these very long hours. i think my level of commitment to things has always been higher than average, i can see that looking back at my grades in school and my involvement with key club. but even then, i wasn't one of those organizational poster children who drinks all the koolaid and regurgitates all the lingo. i'm still not. i do, however, believe that my vision of what commitment is and my investment in things took a serious leap forward one day in my junior year of college in the 3D room of woods hall. craig was on a rampage because he saw so many of his students only invested in art during class...never in the studio on nights and weekends. we could talk the talk of pretentious artisty bullshit, but w didn't actually do much...we were getting margaritas during guest lectures and receptions and just goofing off and making an abundance of shitty art. I can't really remember anything specific that craig said that day, but i know that throughout the entire lecture i just agreed with him. i felt guilty, like a waste of space, unappreciative, uneducated and just terrible. i was selling myself short and not experiencing life to the fullest. i was wasting his and all of my teachers time. granted, i wasn't as far off as the girl making stuff out of toilet paper rolls, but i wasn't a rockstar yet, either. at that moment i decided it was time for a change. and change i did. from that moment on i was in the studio most days from dawn till dusk. at first i was resistant and tired, but i grew to love the productivity and the process and even the long hours. my whole outlook changed, and i feel that if craig hadn't motivated me at that perfect moment, i wouldn't be able to handle the job i have now. hre's the part where i sound a bit cocky...i am a great first year teacher. i have my shit together, i have good behavior management, i've seen growth from my students. i'm far from perfect, but i've got it together. and i really have people like craig and daniel and mark to thank for that. people who didn't have time for people who didn't give a shit.

random workday thoughts.